How I became a better person - Part I

Disclaimer: Inspired by JTR's recent 'virgin' stories

Part I

I actually remember when I first thought of changing my life. My life was immensely different from what it is now, I used to be a fake.

Being a fake is hard work, every day you wake up feeling like putting on a smile is like putting on make up, it doesn't come naturally to you. It takes practice, a lot of practice and after a while, it becomes natural. The smile is always there when needed, the cheerful tone in my voice came on automatically when pinged.

When it came to girls, I was the AFC, the one and only undisputed champion of needy and weak. A particular girl comes to mind, she changed my life. Really.

Her name was B****, derived from a word that translated would mean Rescue......how poetic.

I met her one night after a few beers, we shared a table with common friends, she knew no one, but everyone wanted to know her. She was so beautiful, yet so shy and closed off. I almost missed her.
"Would you keep my friend here company while I go out for a smoke?" my friend asks tapping me on my shoulder, I look up from my beer. I was wearing my oversized jeans, a terrible shirt, a bulky dress jacket and contact lenses that made me look like I was on drugs.

"Sure" I said and smiled as was expected off me, I had many friends in my life and I was indeed happy at times, but these things...going out was hard for me. Since I always felt like everyone was watching me. And I hated my looks, I hated my personality.
I put on a play and smiled, leaning forward.
Me: Hi, I'm.... and you are?

She smiles at me, and immediately I'm hooked. That smile was captivating and her eyes ice blue and piercing. My heart skipped a beat when she spoke.
B: My name is B, nice to meet you.

It was as if we had clicked on some unconscious level, because for the better part of that night we were inseparable. I was funny, interesting, attractive. It was the biggest act of my life, but something inside me told me. The only way to get this girl, you have to be all those things...and more...

We bounced venues to another party, where we sat together. The world around us didn't matter, we were on each other's company. I hadn't felt this content in years.

I looked down at the table in shock as I realized our fingers were intertwined, hers stroking the inside of my palm and smiling at me. It was not awkward, it was beautiful. I didn't know this girl, but I felt that she would be in my life from this point forward.....well at least that is somewhat correct.

We parted ways that night, her ride was there to pick her up and she was putting her coat on...and I get her phone number.
As I watch her walk away, my mind tells me kiss her! kiss her you fool!!, so I basically run, I leap down the stairs and I grab her arm just as she is about to walk out the door. I turn her around, and we look each other in the eye and she smiles, we move in for the kiss....but a car slides in, and she moves away awkwardly, "my mother is here to pick me up...byeee!" and walks away, leaving me standing like a fool in the door.

We almost kissed, that was all that mattered. There was a gorgeous girl out there, that liked me. We almost kissed, we held hands and I have her number!!!!!

The next morning, I wake up smiling. Actually smiling....and it felt good. For the first time in a long while I was at peace, I felt real feelings in my heart. And I could sleep.

For a long time I had been suffering from insomnia, it affected my life. Back then I didn't know why it came on so sudden, and why it affects me so. Why some nights, I stare at my ceiling for hours, my heart beating in my chest.

After meeting her, I could sleep without the help of being exhausted after nights of insomnia or alcohol.

I whipped out my cellphone and texted her.
Me: Meet me at this club at 9 tonight for drinks, I'll be there with friends.
Her: OK, see you then

I was overwhelmed with joy, and I went to shave. I put gel in my hair, I found a good tight fitting sweater, tight jeans and put contact lenses in.....the mistake of my life. Some faces are just made for spectacles, if only I had realized that sooner.

We meet up that night, and I feel like a new man. What happened to my nervousness, what happened to my beta status? Where did this newfound confidence come from?
I buy her a drink and pull her over to a nice couch and table in the end of the club where the music was not so loud, I make smalltalk. After a few minutes, I grab her hand and caress it....she's into it. So I just lean in and kiss her.

She grabs the back of my head and pulls me in, we make out fiercely for minutes.
We get another drink and dance, we sit back down and make out. We spend a couple of hours there.
"Let's get out of here" she says after our last drink.

We walk outside and enter a taxi, for 15 minutes we make out in the backseat, her hand on my penor and I'm stroking the inside of her thighs, we're both crazy for each other, and really drunk.

We enter my bedroom and she pulls my sweater off, I help her take her pants off and we make out. In the middle of all that, my eyes are killing me. There was something wrong with my lens, so I tell her to wait a minute and I walk out to find a mirror and remove them.

The right one is stuck....bloody hell, I can't leave it in stuck. It will be much worse tomorrow or later, this is dangerous. It must have been too dry. I get nervous, and I can't get it out....3 minutes pass, 5 minutes....7 minutes, and my eye is read and sore and I finally hold a lens in my hand and throw it away and run back to my room, to finish the job and find her passed out, stark naked on my bed. Ready for me to enter her.

I just stand there, looking at her....and then pull my covers over her, hiding her naked body and let her sleep, holding her in my arms.
I didn't sleep much that night. I was ashamed, I was worried, I was nervous.

The morning after we make out a bit, but I can sense she's not as much into me as she was before.
We get dressed and walk out to my car, and I drive her home.

On the way I act cool and we talk, it didn't feel awkward, just strange.
"I hope to see you soon" I say as she steps out of the car.
She smiles back at me, "yeah" then closes the door and walks to her house.

I drive away not knowing how much this girl would fuck my life up, and change it forever…