Why Presence is important (a journal and a report of the weekend)

"I really want to see you before I leave for China...you think you can meet me late tomorrow night? I'm still packing and so much to do! :S "

I read the text and grin, about bloody time. This girl made for a real challenge but I broke through. I miscalibrated, I did a lot of stupid things for her not to meet me again. Fuck that, I refused to give up. Persistence baby!

I met this girl a couple of months ago, we clicked immediately on the dancefloor, going in super direct I had her making out with me in a matter of minutes, thrusting her against the wall while I fondled her tits in front of a crowded room. I didn't care...maybe it was the JD in me, but I want to believe it was my fucking inner self finally breaking out after a crappy relationship that had gone on for long enough

One thing stopped me for pulling right there and then, my bloody conscience.....my girlfriend was at home waiting for me. I break the kiss and look at this innocent....breathtakingly beautiful face, and my heart implodes out of feelings of bastardship and douchebaggery. I'm a cheater.

Now, I know my relationship is over....we both know that, but I hadn't officially said the words. It was kinda in the air, the feelings were gone and the ..... oh fuck that, I hadn't said a thing.

I get her number, feed her some lie about having to get up early and bail...my mind races a million different ways on the way home...what do I do? What can I do? I don't want this anymore, I need to be me again. I need to express again and not be locked in a damned shell of a relationship, pretending...going through the motions.

I get inside and head straight for bed, allowing the intoxication to put me to sleep so I can face her tomorrow. And throw her out of my house.

A few weeks pass and I can't manage the courage to call her. I still feel bad having made out with her while still in my relationship. I was a single man now, and I had spent the last two weeks in the field, brushing up on my old self and having great success. But my mind kept drifting back to this girl, so I call her. And I run a tight phone game, set up a meet and the next evening I fuck her brains out. Best sex of my life.
This girl is fucking amazing

I think she's my rebound.....I better not call again, I tell myself. Spare her the hurt of a rebound and why the hell should I want to keep onto her? I've been single less than three weeks.
I better get back in field, get more numbers, more makeouts and more sex. I deserve to be free and do stupid things for a while.
It was a wonderful few months, I make a lot of connections, day2s, sex, makeouts, numbers. It's like I'm back....but she's still in my head. Rebound girl. I think it's my mind playing tricks on me, creating feelings of lust and wanting in someone that replaced my girlfriend. I banish her further into the recesses of my mind.

A couple of weeks pass and I see her again. We trade polite smiles and glances across a crowded room, my mind starts racing again...did I make a mistake here? Was there a chance there's actually something about her?

She's a picture of beauty. Her tall slender form, accentuated by her formfitting dress. She has her hair in a bun, strawberry blond and striking features. A pure goddess. Fuck this, I must have her again.
I stride confidently across the room, she notices me coming and smiles, and then awkwardly turns towards her friend and gives me the shoulder as I approach. I remember feeling a bit disappointed, but I don't let it affect me. I'm not afraid of rejection anymore, I killed that part of me a long time ago with rigorous excercise in the field.

There will be another time, I will choose the battlefield. I promise you

I get home and start texting, I get her responding right off the bat. I give it my best, but somehow it doesn't seem to work. She deflects my best attempts, but I do have her talking. I'm not giving up. I set my goals, and I will succeed.

Nothing seems to work, she's polite and nice, but there's no chemistry. I better go direct in her face again. So I do, I pick the battlefield and I rule the scene, I isolate her and get the makeout within 3 sentences, she tries to stop by going logical, but I tell her to cut the crap and kiss her again, once more she tries to stop me playing the boyfriend card, but again I tell her to stop it and make out with her again

"Alright...I will see you again, but I'm afraid you're a guy just looking for sex...I'm not that kind of a girl"

I tell her I'm more than a shallow man, that the night we spent together was exciting in more ways than the sex, that she intrigues me and that there's something about her I can't put my finger on

"Alright...but this time you have to do this proper, I want a date."

I wink and tell her it's a deal, and I will call her tomorrow.

I don't know what happened, did my neanderthal or even...Cro-magnian mind take over? Because later that night I was back in the field, scoring another girl and ofcourse come next day...next week...never called to set up that date...I realized my mistake immediately. But I decide that I should leave her better than I found her, and not give her more grief. I made my choice, and I have to stand by it, stuck in my own grave, between a rock and a hard place, making my bed and sleeping in it.
It's over.

Fuck no, I'm not satisfied. I'm a closer damnit, not a loser.

It's been a few more weeks, and I decide to rip out my phone and text her, telling her stupid shit and spiking BT, but nothing cuts it. But I do have her talking again, and that's half the battle

I try setting up day2s but get rejected everytime, but I do see smileys creeping in with each passing day. I'm getting to her. I talk to Decibel, give him the whole spiel. And he asks me if I've ever heard of Presence.

I don't believe I have. Explain.

Being present to a woman's emotional state is important when dealing with calibration difficulties, he explains. Figuring out what she needs, not says, is the key.
I start analyzing this girl, and I find out what she needs. She needs a soft, sweet and emotionally present guy. Someone that listens and gives her the attention and emotional support her fragile heart desires. She needs a romantic. I develop my text game based on that information, and I immediately start seeing a spike in her BT. I'm being nice and giving, instead of cool and collected.

Now is my time, we're both going to the same party. I see her there, she's even more beautiful than I remembered. Wearing another tight short dress, her supermodel figure blossoming underneath. She's stunning. But so am I.

I open her direct and we vibe for a few minutes, until I tell her I'll catch her later. I need to build some preselection. I approach again an hour later, after opening a few sets and being seen with a few different women dancing, laughing, kinoing. What ever your emotional need, there's nothing to get a woman going like jealousy.

I get approached by her friend. I know what this is, the ambassador and spy is here. She tries to grill me, jabs and stabs in good humor, but I block every single one, every shit test gets thrown out the window. I game the friend, she's easier. More direct, edgy and bantering back and forth. She excuses herself to go debrief.

I lose them later in the night, but I text her on my way downtown. She tells me she's gone home to sleep, because she's leaving for China for two weeks in two days. I tell her I would very much want to meet her, but I realize she's busy with packing so I will be in touch

There I decide to be Present, instead of persistent, this better not be a mistake.

I'm surrounded with opportunities that night, but I don't follow through. My mind is on her. She's starting to get to me, the real me. Being present with her the past days unlocked a part of me that I usually don't share in the game. Perhaps that is what's holding me back

I head home late in the morning, and decide to text her "Have a brilliant trip"

She calls immediately, and goes logical on my ass. I deflect and tell her not a chance, there's something here, we both know it and I'm not taking no for an answer.
She tries to befriend, but I say no. She tries to shit test me, but I deflect it. I'm both persistent, present and on fire.

I decide to go all in, and unleash my presence in a rant of how I must have come off as a jackass the past months, and that I want nothing more of her but a chance to show her that I really do have something for her, something more than sex. That I can be trusted, and she should give us a shot.

"I just can't believe, that a 25 year old man doesn't call because he was a chicken"

"I can't believe it either, but that's me...you surprised me, and I wasn't ready. I am now, and you have to take a risk on me. I know you like me, and I like you...why don't we just try this? What's stopping us? The night I spent with you in my arms is burned in my mind"

Saying that two years ago would have meant the end, but now I have the skill and confidence to deliver this as a man, not a boy

"Shit....I wish you were here right now" she responds, finally breaking her shield and telling me that she can't stop thinking about me either.
"I really want to see you before I leave for China...you think you can
meet me late tomorrow night? I'm still packing and so much to do! :S "

"It's a date, and I'm not backing out of this one....you can trust me on that" I tell her, and I mean it. I will not fuck this up again.

Come tomorrow, I wait patiently for her to finish her preparation, we text back and forth, she's so excited to see me. Late in the night she calls and asks if I want to come to her place and chill while she finishes getting ready, I tell her I'll be there in half and hour and I drive across town

As soon as I enter the house, she jumps me and forces her tongue down my throat, I thrust her against the wall and then throw her on the bed where I ravish her for an hour. It was powerful and amazing at the same time. I felt a surge of energy as I finally broke the lock and shared presence with her.

We end up staying up all night, talking, sharing. Opening up in each others arms, making out and feeling sad that she has to fly out in a few hours time. "I need to know what you're thinking" she asks me

"I'm thinking that I'm really glad right now....and that I hate China"

She makes out with me aggressively, "I hate your timing Cro....I can't imagine the next two weeks without your strong arms around me.....you're not gonna be gone when I get back?"

I tell her not to worry, I'm sticking around this time.

We spend the rest of the night talking and making out, she tells me how her friends spent the whole night talking about me and how charming and confident I was, how she should not let me get away. She shares how she's been after me since seeing me for the first time....I realize that opening up to this girl, to share in her emotional state was the best advice anyone has given me. Because not only did I get through to her, but I'm completely satisfied for once. She's everything I want.

Hours later she has to get ready to head to the airport, she kisses me passionately on the doorsteps, counting down the days to when she can see me again.

And I'm still in control, I feel more confident than ever, more capable and more satisfied than I've ever been. In two weeks, I will have her back and then a new adventure will start. I hope it has a happy ending.