How I became a better person - Part II

Disclaimer: Inspired by JTR's recent 'virgin' stories

Part I : http://thoughtsofcro.blogspot.com/2008/03/how-i-became-better-person-part-i.html


“I really, really like this girl!” I tell my best friend as we nurse our café lattes at a local café the next day. She looks at me smiling, “tell me about her”.
I start telling her all about the last two nights and she seems genuinely happy for me, “she sounds lovely…are you going to call her again?”

I pause….was I going to call her? Yes…but what would I say? So far I had been lucky, extremely lucky. Guys like me don’t get girls like that. Was she drunk?
I start tearing myself apart, wondering why on earth a girl like that would like me!

This went on for a week. I didn’t call her, I didn’t text her. I was in bad place, because I took myself there.
“Yeah I’m gonna call her” and I’ll be awesome…

I did call her that night, we seemed to click on the phone and we spent an hour talking about anything and everything. It seemed perfect. We planned to meet up, but of course she flaked…

How ever my newfound confidence picked me up and told me to call her again! Which I did, and we started texting more and finally we met up again, with our friends. Which I now see was her safety blanket.

She’s a petite little thing, closed off from her real feelings, today I kind of pity her. She’s locked in this little bubble of being desirable, but nothing else. She can’t qualify herself…she has nothing to offer me.
Back then it was different…I wanted so bad to qualify myself to her! Oh how I wanted it badly. I wanted her to see what I had to offer and fall in love with me as I was falling in love with her!

I felt the attraction slipping away from me, so I took a chance and invited her to my summerhouse with our best friends. So it was me, her, my friend, and two other girls. Everything seemed fine the first night, we all had a great time, she sat snuggled up against me after dinner, dinner bowl eyes extreme.
The thing is, today I understand her much better. She wasn’t in love…she was loving that there was someone out there that took time out of their schedule to care for her….no one does, I know that now. Do not mistake love for need. I think all of us have at one point, and will again.

Meet my one-itus, this is where it grew. This is the turning point for me in this tale, after this I become a pitiful shell of a man. And today, I still resent her for that. I resent my friends for letting it come to this, when they should have stopped my obsession. But who the hell am I kidding? I resent myself the most.

The night grew on and we all started drinking, she was holding my hand but rejected my attempts at kissing her. She was sending mixed signals and it was seriously pissing me off. Alright, let’s just wait. I want this to work out. Dude you need this to work out! Chill!

The hot tub is ready so the girls get changed into their bikinis and get in first while me and my friend clean up after dinner and mix drinks to bring outside.

She walks over to me, in this petite little green bikini. It was barely covering up her beautiful round ass. “Cro…I hurt myself during soccer practice the other week, see…” she said seductively, putting her right leg up on the chair and took my hand and placed it on the inside of her thigh, inches away ….
Then looked at me with dinner bowl eyes, I took it as a gesture and softly stroked her thigh up and down, way up….”I see…it’s a bit swollen…” and grinned, understanding that she wanted to be touched and that she knew I saw through the pretense.
She lets me touch her a bit more then walks off outside, “don’t be long guys”

My friend looks over at me grinning, “nice….” And we laugh about it, “hell yeah..”

She ignores me in the hut tub for 2 hours.
I barely remember being made look like such a fool infront of my friends before this instance, where once she moved over to my side after ignoring me and I playfully put my hand over her shoulders (a sidehug) and she removes it.

I wanted to throw up…..what’s going on…..did my friends say anything bad about me while they were in here and us guys were still inside cleaning up? I look at my friends, and they are equally dumbfounded…having slipped me comment all night “it’s obvious…she’s so into you man” or “wow…she really likes you, congrats”.

I excuse myself from the hut tub as soon as I hear my cellphone, saved by the bell eh? And walks over to take the call…it’s my mother checking up, I talk to her for a minute then hang up.
They call me “Hey Cro! Come back, hurry!”

I just stand there, watching them all having a blast in the hut tub…MY hut tub, in MY summerhouse….and my girl? Not wanting to speak to me. “Nah I’m good….I’m uh, cold…I’m gonna put some fire on and uh….I need to call anyway, I’m just gonna get dressed”. They all try to get me back, all of them except her…

I walk inside my room and punch a wall, trying to hold back tears. Why is this bugging me so much? Do I actually love her already? It feels like it, it feels like love, because it hurts so damn much.

I get dressed and sit in there, pretending to make a call and just think, ending with me putting on a brave face and going to the bathroom….I look myself in the mirror thinking, no way…this battle is not over… and pick up my razor and shave myself clean, then do my hair, put on cologne and a new shirt, and I start mixing drinks for the girls, handing them a glass as they all come inside.

They get dressed and in the meanwhile me and my buddy sit on the sofa drinking beer, “are you okay bro?” he asks me while pretending to watch the tv. “yeah, yeah I’m good…totally”

Now when I look back at those days, I realize I should have known something was wrong after this trip. My whole personality changed, I had mood swings…I was rude, almost evil to people. I’m still making up for hurting people around me.

The rest of the night goes smoothly, she snuggles up against me on the sofa, I put my arm around her and kiss her forehead. She likes it and snuggles closer, her bare feet in my lap, moving. Instant boner.

We all go to sleep after a fun night, and we share a bed. We get undressed together down to our underwear and crawl into bed.
She’s been seducing me since the sofa, and I was ready to finally seal the deal.

“Good night” she says and turns the light off and faces the other way.
I’m going to spare us from detailing the next day, let me just tell you that she cat-stringed me for 48 hours….and at the end, I was no kitty, I was a lion. I was angry, pissed off. My balls were blue and she was toying with me endlessly.

I drive us home in complete silence, they all know I’m pissed, and speak amongst themselves like nothing is wrong….my friends feel for me.

I drop her off, and help her take her things out of the car. I look at the car window and see my friend do the ‘kiss her’ look intensely.
I chicken out, and I hug her and say “see you later”

I didn’t see her later.

The texts stopped, she was distant if I called and always told me she was busy after a few minutes.

Full blown one-itus.

This is also where my drinking problems started.

I would get drunk 4 days a week, I was barely showing up at Uni for any classes….I flunked the semester. I had a great time.
I was an angry, moody, self centered jackass.

Also at this point in the story, I start to realize that women deserve the same treatment. They’re toys…something to have fun with, then discard. I’ve always been a ‘natural’, I was charming, witty, not so bad looking after my make over and I wasn’t all bad with girls.
So I started laying them in flocks, then never calling them again. I felt in control, and every time I treated a girl like that…I pretended it was her.

This is how I lost my best friend.

She stood by me through all of this, and now as I write this, I have a stinging feeling in my gut as I think back to what I did. Some friends break through a barrier, some friends you can say you love. I loved her, she was family, my bro, my sister, my best friend in this world. And we shared every worry, every part of our lives. She was the one thing that kept me from offing myself at one time.

“Hey Cro, C is coming from NY to visit. (referring to her best childhood friend from NY). Please….don’t sleep with her, okay?”

“Hey, of course.” We laugh, “I promise”. I had seen pictures and she was this petite hot Latina from NY. I always wanted to meet her.

I seduced her from the moment we met, we both shared a joke that we would definitely not sleep together while she played footsies under the dinner table and eyefucked me.

A moment before I continue….this time in my story, I’m getting laid like a rockstar. I’m successful with women, well until the next morning. Why did I stop this lifestyle? It was short lived, and it ruined me, it ruined friendships, and it hurt a lot of people around me.

Back to the story.

That night we party, and my friend comes up to me “Cro…I know she likes you and all, and I can see that you like her..but please, I asked you not to fuck her…please don’t. She has a fiancé back in NY and they’re trying to patch things up…you promised”

I put my drink down and talk to her “alright, I’m sorry…we’re just flirting. You can trust me” and smile. I actually meant it.

She continues flirting with me hard, sitting on my lap, stroking my penor through my jeans. Trying to kiss me. I stop her. “I’m sorry…I promised G I wouldn’t, and I’m sticking to that…”

C just leans in grinning, “I know all about that…trust me, she’s fine with it….I told her me and R are split up….I want you inside me…tonight!”
I grab her shoulders and pull her back as she tries to nibble my ear, “She said no to me..”
We both look over at her for confirmation, and she just smiles.
Good enough for me.

Turns out she never heard us….she was just smiling.

Best sex of my life I tell you. However a yeast infection and one best friend later….the memory of it turned sour.

My ex best friend barely speaks to me anymore…we talk, but it’s at social gatherings where we meet. We don’t call each other, we don’t share dinners, we don’t cuddle in front of the telly…we just don’t do anything.

I lost a part of myself there. And that changed me.

“I don’t know what happened to you!” she screamed, “You were such a nice guy once!”